My primary reason for living...the heirs to our little kingdom. Truly, I intend to gush regularly about them but I promise to give a heads up first. Actually, that offer is really just an attempt at being polite. I am bound by thirty-sev...well let's just say many years of southern upbringing to offer all sorts of things I don't really want to do. Those of you who are from the beloved south will reach towards the keyboard to comment that there is no need to warn anybody about gushing over those sweet babies. Of course, you would take a sip of tea to cover the fact that you are waiting for me to offer again to see if I really intend to give you a heads up. I know perfectly well that you are giving that pause in our conversation to me and I wholeheartedly take it and respond with my own sip of tea. Finally, we both know my offer was not really true but we won't give it another thought. Our mamas and daddies taught us all about manners, Jesus and food so that our compulsions, guilt and insistence for Blue Plate mayo would be well understood and abidance by in any red clay state. Those of you who are not from the beloved south...I know you are lost in this rambling. Let me explain in a less feather to flock sort of way. Oh, um that means I'll get to the point.
1. Offer anything that keeps someone else happy or not put out regardless of what you want to do. 2. If that person is southern, your offer will be rejected with a comment about how sweet you are and a pause regardless of whether or not the other person wants what you have offered. 3. If you really wanted to do what you have offered this is the place to insist by saying " Are you sure? It is really no trouble. Please, let me..." 4. The other person will take your offer at this point regardless of whether they wanted it or not.
If you did not really want to do what you offered then after the other person says no... just take a sip of your tea and compliment the other person's child or hair or handbag to change the subject.

I think this is really the first post in lessons on living in the red clay kingdom because I can see that you might otherwise be put out if you crossed the Mason-Dixon line and had no translator.  No, really it is no trouble...I would love to help. We just can't have your visit tarnished by confusion...Bless your heart.